20 Famous Funny Quotes

“She’s strong! And scary…I bet she’s single…I’d put money on it..”-Masashi Kishimoto

 

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”-Marilyn Monroe

 

“Um…is that thing tame?” Frank said.
The horse whinnied angrily.
“I don’t think so,” Percy guessed. “He just said, ‘I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man’.”-Rick Riordana

 

“Can you surf really well, then?”
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
“Jeez, Nico,” I said. “I’ve never really tried.”
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn’t answer that one.) If Annabeth’s mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn’t Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)”-Rick Riordan

 

“Did you see that dress?” “I saw the dress.” “Did you like it?” He didn’t answer. I took that as a yes. “Am I going to endanger my reputation if I wear it to the dance?” When he spoke, I could barely hear him. “You’ll endanger the school.” I smiled and fell asleep.”-Richelle Mead

 

“Damn, Claire. Warn a guy before you do a face-plant on the floor next time. I could have looked all heroic and caught you or something -Shane”-Rachel Caine

 

“She’s strong! And scary…I bet she’s single…I’d put money on it..”-Masashi Kishimoto

 

 

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”-Mark Twain

 

“It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”-Marilyn Monroe

 

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.”-Bill Cosby

 

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”-Billy Sunday

 

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”Anonymous

 

“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”-Albert Einstein

 

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”-Cathy Guisewite

 

“I thought I’d lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while,” he grunted, “It relaxes me.”
“It does? Oh – you’re being sarcastic. That’s a good sign probably.”-Cassandra Clare

 

 

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.”-Bill Cosby

 

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”-Billy Sunday

 

“That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”-George Carlin

 

“I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist”-Gena Showalter

 

 

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named “Bush”, “Dick”, and “Colin.” Need I say more?”-Chris Rock

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